Hope, He's coming for me

So here it is, my way overdue blog. I have been temporarily out of the blog scene for a while... but I'm back. My life is more busy than I ever would have thought. I have been getting minimal amounts of sleep and have been constantly on the go since school started. BUT God is good, his love is steadfast and unchanging and I have that to rejoice in daily. I crave Jesus. I long for so much more that I feel a sense of dissatisfaction on this earth. I can't wait to be with Jesus but until then, I'm going to glorify him in my satisfaction with what he has blessed me with.

This song is absolutely my life right now...

If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,

I can only conclude that I was not made for here

If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,

Then of course I feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared

Speak to me in the light of the dawn

Mercy comes with the morning

I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope

Am I lost or just found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?

is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?

Cos my soul would prefer for me to be numb

An avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

For we, we are not long here

Our time is but a breath so we better breathe it

And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you

Hope is coming for me

Hope, He's coming for me

-C.S. Lewis Song

Grace

My life is a reflection of God's grace. All of our lives are. I just read Ephesians 3 this morning and the word grace just kept jumping out at me.

Ha I think I'm funny sometimes, how I actually think I own things or that I have a right to boast in any of "my" accomplishments. I have no such rights. Everything in my life is a gift from God because of his grace.

I am back at school now. I've spent 2 nights in my new dorm room so far and I was blown away by how much nicer my room is this year and I just felt so blessed to even have a place to rest my head. Goodness, God's grace is truly amazing.

This summer I have just been learning how to be appreciative for everything that God has blessed me with. Every breath is a blessing and a second chance. God has really placed it on my heart to make every single day count and I try to do just that. I just know that if I die today, I want to die talking about Jesus and about how incredible his love is. I've tried to really make it a point to do so, to talk to at least one person a day about Jesus and to share with somebody who probably doesn't know him. You honestly never know the impact of your words and actions and what that will make somebody think. I want my actions and words to speak volumes of love in Christ. I know I still have a long way to come myself but I am striving, in prayer and persistence in Jesus.

Ephesians 4:1-2 says "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." I long for that so badly. I don't want to have anything to do with sin because God has poured out his grace on my life and I want to try and be worthy of that grace. I have failed a lot at that in the past. I was slacking and my life was mediocre but once again God had such amazing grace on my life that he took my mediocrity away and filled me up with his love. Thank you God. You grace is enough.

Daily Gratitude: God I thank you for your constant presence this summer and for watching over my life. I thank you for turning my mourning into dancing, for replacing sadness with joy. Thank you for this summer. Thank you for an awesome dorm room and the best roommate in the whole world. I praise you for blessing me with my best friend. Thank you for my wonderful family. I love them so much and I just praise you for them. Thank you for instilling your Holy Spirit within me and constantly changing and molding my heart. I am not who I was a year ago, not even who I was a month ago and I am so grateful for that because I don't like who I was. I praise you for your peace, love, joy, mercy, and grace today. Amen.

...Then I am strong

Lately I've been feeling low, as you know. I understand my vices and I know there's more to discover but I would much rather spend my time finding out your character. Your perfect character. I cannot get enough of you.

God I'm so tired of distraction though. I ask that you would please extract any distraction from my life that is not of you. I know it's bold of me to ask but this is what I need, I need you to fill me with your Holy Spirit every single day. I am such a fool without you.

Please be my strength, I know you are more than able. Your power is shown in my weaknesses and I ask that you would be displayed through me. Bless you Jesus. I love you.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,

so that Christ's power may rest on me.

That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults,

in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.

For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

Daily Gratitude: Thank you for Epictetus. Thank you for Francis Chan and his absolutely amazing book Crazy Love. Thank you for protection and always watching over me. Thank you for delighting in me and singing over my life. Thank you for Emily, Amanda, Mariah, Chelsea, and my sissy. Thank you for giving us a wonderful time together today. I thank you in advance for what you're going to do this year in me at Greenville and on my campus. Thank you for all-surpassing joy! Thank you for being the strength in all my weaknesses.

Give me faith

Give me strength enough to wait

To stand in faith

And listen for, listen for your melody

Your songs have never stopped

You songs have never stopped

Your songs have never stopped,

You've been singing, always singing over me

Your words are still enough

And you're singing, always singing over me

-Kari Jobe

Protector

Put the pieces of my heart back together like I know only you can. You know every piece, in and out, and so I ask that you restore me and make me strong again. I thank you for helping me to realize that I have to accept that some things are going to happen and that I cannot change them. But no matter the circumstance, you always have a better plan for my life and for what's to come.

Jesus you are incredible beyond comprehension. Please forgive me for my selfishness and wallowing in self pity. Your life shows me everyday that you came to serve and not be served. I want to do the same, not to be something so great for anybody else but for you alone. Your perfection as the ultimate servant motivates my heart to life out my life in love as you have. Your greatest commandments are to Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength and to love your neighbor as yourself. I pray that you would help me to seek these commandments you have set before me in all the situations I face in my life.

Daily Gratitude: Dear God, I thank you so much for being the ultimate healer and for your constant presence. I thank you so much for protecting my friend Chelsea today. God, I love her so much and you protected her life today, you have a bigger reason for her life than a car crash. I praise you Jesus for looking out for my dear friend's life. Thank you for blessing me with her. Thank you for the scripture you've placed on my heart and the continuous comfort it has been to me this summer.

"The Lord your God is with you,

he is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing."

Zephaniah 3:17

Bigger

God, I love you. You are awesome. Nobody else deserves that title. You are so much bigger than my life and the circumstances that have been placed before me.

Lord, I am going to be honest with you because there is nothing I can hide that you don't see anyway. I'm tired of grieving. I'm tired of pain and sadness. I'm tired of being angry. I do not want to be a bitter person so I ask that you would extract these things from my life. None of these feelings are from you. You ask that we rejoice in every season of life.

"Rejoice in the Lord always! I will say it again, Rejoice!" Philippians 4:4.

Please reveal to me that you have a better plan for my life than what I'm seeing now. I pray against the enemy because he's been doing a really good job lately... but you're so much better. You already won and you will win in this one life of mine.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord,

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you a hope and a future.

Then you will call upon me and pray to me,

and I will listen to you.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

God you don't need me, but for some reason you want me. I need you with every breath I breathe because without you, I simply wouldn't be. Forgive my selfishness and it's frequency. Forgive my human falters and all that entails. Guide my ways forever.

Daily Gratitude: Thank you for today. Thank you for patience, deep conversation, and laughter. Thank you for acknowledgement that situations are beyond my control. Thank you for peace today, the only peace that you can provide. Thank you for helping me to accept the cards that I've dealt but that I always have you to hold my hand to guide me. Thank you for precious friends, who are there to listen, who will cry with me when I'm hurting, and who will always love me. Thank you for all the blessings in my life, for having a car, a house, and my own bedroom. I am so blessed. Thank you for Kate Simons who you've instilled the idea for daily gratitude :) I love her, please bless her.

Gratitude

"Don't tell God how big your storms are, tell your storms how big God is." There's much to be thankful for, even in the storms.

God thanks for today, for letting me wake up so that I can walk and breathe. I don't deserve my next breath so thank you.

Thank you for friends and reasons to laugh, for times to act stupid just because it makes us happy.

Thank you for chocolate chip pancakes and ice cream and the ability to eat them... to eat them frequently.

Thank you for beautiful music, for beats, and words that touch the soul.

Thank you for hip-hop dancing, the ability to dance, for the joy it brings me and that I might be able to glorify you through it.

Thank you for little kids, for making them awesome and carefree tiny people. For the Simple Room kids, for bringing them into my life.

Thank you for creation, for mountains and lakes. You're such a genius for thinking up all of this. You blow my mind daily, even when I think of a blade of grass. Who ever would've thought?

Thank you for the story of Job, it encourages me when I feel like I can't handle life anymore. He praised you even when he lost his entire world.

Thank you for the trials you've brought me through and for going ahead of me to bring through future ones.

Thank you for the people I will meet in my life. You know every person and the reason I will meet them.

Thank you for blessing me with amazing parents and grandparents who are so devoted to loving you and who have changed my life because of you. I could have been born anywhere and to anyone in the world but I was chosen to be born to the parents I have today.

Thank you for my sissy and bubby, for putting them into my life for a reason. I love the family you have blessed me with.

Thank you for reminding me that everyday is a blessing, that yesterday is over and that all I have is today. Thank you for today.

To Every Season

"There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace."

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

God, I'm tired of this season. I'm tired of being sad and angry. I'm tired of this cold, dark winter but I know you promise that spring will come. You promise that you make all things beautiful in their time. Even though nothing in my life isn't falling into place the way I had intended it to, I can't help but want to just sing to you and give you all of my praise. Give me strength to get through this season. I'm so sorry for following my own plans and not yours. I only ever want my vision to line up with yours God, if it doesn't... it will never work. Open the eyes of my heart to see how much you love me, that you forgive me, and that I could forgive myself. I want to serve you with all I am and place all of my trust in your hands. That hasn't been easy for me, as you and I both know, but when I do... you reveal yourself in unthinkable ways. Jesus you are my stronghold, my rock. You know what's best for me and I will trust in you for that.

I'm ready for spring, I think it's my time to dance for you now.

Circle

Circle encircles the earth

Chance and choice break his heart

His innocent arm moves to save me and I am spared

His beautiful arm

Is bloody and cut off

His heart ripped out to show me he loved me

But I would not believe him

He did all that he could

I still would not believe him

I left his arms empty and tied

Outstretched for me until he died

Left his arms empty and tied

Outstretched for me until he died

No man shows greater love

Than when a man

Lays down his life

For his beloved

I left his arms empty and tied

Outstretched for me until he died

Left his arms empty and tied

Outstretched for me until he died

Here I’m alive

And I don’t have the right

He gave me the right

Costing him his life

New mercies in the morning

I believe

What if I believe you now

Could it ever change this heart

Forgive me, believe me

Please come back tonight

I believe

What if I believe you now

Could it ever change this heart

Forgive me, believe me

Please come back tonight

Come back to my life

I believe

What if I believe you now

Forgive me, believe me

Please come back tonight

Yeah, that is how it is. Do you ever have to step outside of yourself to see what you've become? Innocence was poured out for us. I am seeing right now in my life Christ moving all around me and it makes me want to cry in my joy. He is right in front of our faces every minute and in so many situations but we fail to even notice him.

Imagine God as being the most important person you have ever met, your best friend, the most famous guy ever. He's sitting right next to you, just hanging out with you because he wants to. When we go throughout our days without even talking to him, getting to know him, paying attention to him it's like ignoring your best friend, that incredibly important person. I am so guilty of this. I let my wasted time slip through my hands like sand. If Jesus is willing to do what is described in the above song, the least I can do is hang out with Him... just talk and then listen. I tend to do a lot of talking and not too much of the 'paying attention to his opinion' part. So I'm just going to be quiet right now and let God move in me.

My Prayer

In my life, be lifted high

In our love, be lifted high

In our world, be lifted high

God, you are the ultimate healer. You have the capability to mend our hearts. You hold us all in your hands.

Right now I lift up to you those who have been mistreated and abused. Lord you know all of these innocent children who never asked for such horrific things to happen to them. God you've given us free will so that we might choose to live our lives for you but there are those who have abused this privilege and have therefore abused your precious children. My heart breaks for them right now. I am begging you to intervene and to send us out and through us, save these broken people. Make me your hands and feet Jesus. I only ever want to be like you.

I pray for those who have been abandoned, for those who feel like they have no one and no hope. Jesus you are the only hope and I pray that you would shine your light in these dark places of the world and reveal yourself to these in desperate need of a Saviour.

Jesus, I pray for those who cannot let go of guilt... myself included. You know our hearts and you know that we are all humans who are bound to sin. Lord, for those of us who are truly sorry and repentant of our sins, we know that you have already forgiven us and forgotten our iniquities. I ask that you would help us to forgive ourselves and cast away the burden of guilt that weighs us down. You already bore the cross and with that you have already taken all of these faults. Thank you Jesus, thank you. I ask that you would continue to wipe away these images that remain in our minds, that the devil puts into our minds so that we would fall away from you and hate ourselves. You are so much bigger, better, and stronger than any of our pasts and any of those images.

I pray for those struggling with pornography. God this is such a deep issue from within and they cannot escape this alone. Only your mighty hand can pull them out from this pit. Help them to realize the damage that they are doing to their minds, to their loved ones, and to your heart. Help them to realize that your way alone is the way out and that we cannot conform to the pattern of this world any longer in order to follow you.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will."- Romans 12:2

I pray for those who are homeless. God you know each person's story. You know how we get to where we are in life and the decisions we have had to make in order to get here; the circumstances we had to face that we overcame or that overcame us. I pray that no matter what happened in these peoples' lives that have put them on the streets that you would send us out to them. Send us to show them your love, to bless them and show them that they are worth the time of day and that they are worth being prayed for. A person is a person no matter who they are or what they've done... you still died for them. Your demonstration of love did not, and has not, ever discriminated.

Give us compassionate hearts that long to reach out to your sons in daughters who are walking in the darkness.

I thank you for all that you are. I thank you for your compassion and love that you have graciously poured out. I love you God. Thank you for your amazing son Jesus.

Amen

My God

My God grants peace, an overwhelming peace that I couldn't have even imagined. He has stilled my heart to rest assured in him. My God freely gives his grace and love abundantly. There is an infinite list that my words cannot even do you justice but this is just what is on my heart, Oh Great God!

"Only Jesus can be Jesus." I will never reach perfection, never love people enough, never devote my life enough, never truly understand and see others the way he did. I will never be as selfless as He, never have as much grace and mercy.... But I will try and strive for all of my days. I will seek Christ with all of my heart, no matter the cost. I will follow after Jesus no matter how much I stumble. Yes, I will stumble but I will trust in my God to pick me up and guide me to wherever he may lead me next.

When we ask Jesus to be the Lord of our lives, he makes us into a new creation. He completely rocks our world! Flips it upside down and messes every stinkin thing up. Everything we thought was important before now seems so small. Everything we thought was cool proves pointless. He makes us want to be different, He sets us apart. When he comes and fills us up with his Holy Spirit, it does something to us to where we're just set on fire for Him and we can barely contain it. When we diligently seek him with our entire hearts, we will find Him. That's a promise and here it is, "... you will call upon me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:12-13

God this is my prayer for my friends right now. You know who they are, who is on my heart, and only you know their hearts. Precious Father, I ask that you would send your Holy Spirit and light their hearts on fire to burn for you and you alone. I ask that they would long to seek you and that they would truly find you and that they would be able to experience this absolutely incredible relationship that you and I have.

You are my Father, my God. You are amazing and beyond all description. Your love is astounding. You never leave my side, never have and never will. You are faithful, my God you are. I feel like I am bursting at the seems with joy just because I long to worship you with my life. God even though I my life isn't going how I have planned, I can still have this incredible joy because you have filled me with it. My plans are nothing compared to what you have in store, it's so much bigger... so much better than I could ever imagine. Only you hold my future in your hands. My God, I thank you and I praise you. My God, I know that I will mess up millions of times each day and for that I am sorry but I praise you for your forgiveness and mercy. My God, I love you and I thank you for loving me.

Psalm 16:7-13

On Thursday morning, I found out that I had to lead a devotional for the entire Agape staff. What the heck was I supposed to say? I was not in the mood to give a devotional nor did I feel like I had any place to say anything that morning but I asked God to be the speaker. I knew Psalms were a pretty reliable place to base a devotional applicable to everybody but... there are a lot of Psalms. I had no idea why at the time but I was lead to this:

Psalm 16:7-13

"I will praise praise the Lord, who counsels me;

even at night my heart instructs me.

I have set the Lord always before me.

Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;

my body also will rest secure,

because you will not abandon me to the grave,

nor will you let your Holy One see decay.

You have made known to me the path of life;

you will fill me with joy in your presence,

with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

After I read that out loud to the staff, I just felt so spirit-filled. It was this strange kind of outer-body experience. It was like listening to somebody else but I was able to hear what God had to say through me and I was just taking it all in. See, things have not been so peachy lately as to where "my heart is glad" or "my body will rest secure." But I was shown that God still reigns in all His sovereignty. He has already gone before me. He knows every circumstance in my life, inside and out. He "will not abandon me."

Worrying does nothing for our lives. I know I probably talk a lot about worry but it's obviously something I have struggled with and I'm tired of it. It encompasses everything that God would never intend for us to feel: stress, anxiety, emotional baggage... All of those things exclude the joy of the Lord and it forces us to turn our eyes upon things other than him. Worry is a god in itself. My God is so much better than that. Because my God is so faithful, so loving, so caring in "making known to me the path of life", I truly can rejoice. My body and my soul can take rest in Him. I'm so tired of getting rocked by these waves of life that come crashing over me time and time again.

This whole "total trust" concept is working so well. It's always hard for me to find peace like this until I give in, until I give it all up to Christ. Once that happens, He shows me that He is all that I need. He is all that I will ever, ever need. Everything else to come that is good is a complete blessing from Him; friendships, serving, and relationships.

Give up and give in, it's a beautiful surrender in the end.

I love you God. Even though I don't always like what I have to go through or understand it at the time, I know that you always work out everything for my good. Only you know what is best for me. Nothing is too big or great or impossible for you Jesus. You've already conquered the impossible. You did not see decay. So I'm trusting you Jesus with all that I have. If I don't, I'm a lost wretch. Thank you for guidance, grace, peace, and love in my life. I love you Jesus.

To be nothing

Why am I so concerned about "me"? God used some awesome people this week to truly speak to my heart. One person asked, "How many times a day, or even in an hour, do you think about what other people think about you?" I couldn't even count how many times I have thought that within a single day. Then she asked, "Ok, now how many times a day do you think about what God thinks of you?" Oh my goodness, I just wanted to hide my face an cry because I knew the answer to that. I'm so ridiculous. Here, I thought I was striving to be this selfless person and to serve others but when you're asked a question like that you realize how truly selfish you are. Why do I try to be something so awesome for other people, whether its just for a few close people in my life or for an audience, when Jesus came to this earth to make himself nothing for me? Gosh, Jesus could have been so like, "Look at me, I'm completely awesome!" But he was nothing like that. He had every right to be like that and was more deserving of that that anyone to ever exist but like I said, he didn't want to ever be like that.

That right there just brings me back down to reality. It truly humbles my spirit and truly makes me despise approval seeking. Galations 1:10 says, " Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." That hits you in the chest like a sledgehammer because no matter how much we think we don't care about what other people think about us, we still care a lot more about that than what we think God thinks about us. Nobody else is my judge, nobody else loves me as He does, and nobody gave their only son who bore all of my sin. Only God did that, and that is the only approval that I need to seek... ever. His opinion is the only thing that matters... ever.

Healer

I know this is probably a very similar blog to some in the past but it's a common prayer of my heart. I just can't thank God enough. I can't be grateful enough for giving me chances and for giving me purpose.

Lord, I love you. My praise and thanks will never be adequate but I'm going to do it anyway so thank you God. Thank you God for your constant blessings and new mercy. I praise you for loving and accepting me the way that I am. God, you cherish my life and say that I am important, that I matter.

Jesus, your amazing love is unfathomable to me. You say that no matter how dirty and marred I am, you'll take me and wash me. You'll make me white as snow. Thank you for the price you paid for me so that I can exist as such.

Just as your attitude was Jesus, I pray that you would give me your attitude of a servant. I long to be like you and to represent you in any way I can. You were the most humble of servants, living to provide for others. In your awesomeness, you put everyone and everything above yourself with a giving and gracious love that goes beyond description. Yeah, I want to be like that guy.

God you're healing my heart. Thank you for that. Even though there has been much damage to it, mostly because of myself, you fix it anyway. I want to be that new creation for you Lord, I want to be able to lift my head up and be proud to be called your daughter, your best friend. You've never left my side and even though I neglect you oh too often, you still stay right here with me. I praise you my Healer. Thank you.

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You

-Healer

Beautiful Redemption

We've been looking at 1John at Family BC for the last few weeks and it's been really... appropriate for my life. Ya see, I've kind of had a problem with wallowing in my guilt and shame..... oh pretty much my whole life. I've been asking the Lord to help me a lot lately to get through this and over it and praise God that he is ever faithful. He works in the funniest, most obvious ways sometimes. He's pretty much just been smacking me in the face with forgiveness and showing me that I don't have to feel this way anymore.

Jesus didn't die for me to carry a burden that would weigh me down, even though he knew I would sin. He died so that he could extract that sin from my life along with the lingering guilt and shame that goes along with it.

I've been applying that phrase to my life a lot lately, "Jesus didn't die for me so that I could...." It's been really motivating to go and be productive for him and to try hard to walk as he walked. Brian, from Campus Crusade, used that phrase a lot this week as well. His phrase of choice was, "Jesus didn't die so that you could sit around and play World of Warcraft all day." True, funny, but true. So, even if I'm lost and confused about where to go or what I need to be doing with my life, I can always count on the fact that if my heart is in the right place with God and if I am trying my hardest to walk as Jesus walked then I can rest assured in Him that I am living for something other than myself, for God alone and all that entails.

"We are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousness are as filthy rags."(Isaiah 64:6) but God still appreciates and honors our efforts to please him and live for him. Jesus still accepts us as filthy rags, not only accepts but loves. Loves so much he would die. Die for someone like me, composed of filthy rags.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all of these things will be given to you as well."(Matthew 6:33)(<---memory verse for the week!!!)

God this is my prayer, that I would seek your kingdom and every good and perfect thing you are comprised of. Every good and perfect thing comes from you alone. I long for your righteousness and even though I may never achieve in this lifetime, I ask that I would continue to seek it first and bless you above all. Amen.

I'm a doubting Thomas needing to believe

I'm a perfumed sinner just like Magdalene

I am Judas kissing on your cheek eager to deceive

I am all of these

I cry, Father, Father, forgive me

You say, Child, I already have

You are beautiful

Beautiful Redemption

You are Beautiful

Beautiful Redemption

I'm the guilty thief that's hanging by your side

and my shame is dying with your sacrifice

And all my fears come crashing down as I look in your eyes

I see paradise

-Beautiful Redemption

"But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did."-1John 2:5-6

Your love never fails

Dear God,

I can't thank you enough for your mercy and faithfulness to me. Even though I am so undeserving of it, you have new mercies for me every single day. You see a beautiful me when all I see are my flaws and unholiness. I thank you that you for your son Jesus and because of my acceptance of Him as my Savior, you will always call me your daughter and have my name in your book of eternal life. Again, my life is nothing worth saving but you love me enough to save me every day.

God, I ask that you would please grant me the strength to get through each day and that you would fight this battle within my soul. Satan keeps blinding me with my sin and blemishes of life but I know that I have put my past behind me, crucified my old life and have started anew with you. So I ask that you would please speak louder to me than any other voice or obstacle that he would put in my way. You are bigger than this and you have already won this battle for me. Open my eyes to see what glorious plans you have for my future and to begin to see things as you see them. Help me to love others as you do and to be a living example of what your love looks like. I ask that you would remove these scales from my eyes. I am desperate to touch people in a way that they would only see you through me.

Lord, please help me to be consistent everyday in prayer and in reading your word. I love talking to you my Father, and I have been so wrong to not be intentional or initiate much of my relationship with you. I want to be diligent because I long to seek you and know you more. I also ask that when I do read your precious, amazing word that you would help me to hold each valuable word within my heart and that I would not walk away forgetting what I have just read. I don't want to be like that man in the mirror who walks away and forgets immediately what he looks like.

Jesus, I lift up those who are close to my heart. I ask that you would just surround them with your love and comfort. Help them to rest in you and be assured that you are a faithful God who does not fail and who will not and cannot ever break His promises. I ask that we would crucify ourselves daily and take up our common cross that follows after your very own heart. Please draw near to my friends that find it difficult to hear, sense, and know you. I just ask that you would please make yourself evident to them and that they would see that you are there and that you have a reason for everything that we all go through.

Your love endures forever. That can never be stressed enough and no praise could ever be adequate enough but we will continue to strive to do so forever. We will strive to reach your holiness and we will try to be servants as you came to serve. Lord, please help us on this journey because we cannot do anything without you. Nothing can be accomplished that's worth accomplishing without you in it but all things are possible with God. Give us the faith to truly believe that.

I love you Jesus, thank you for today and for blessing me with all of your glory displayed for me to see and enjoy; for blessing me with friends and family whom I can count on to always support and encourage me; for blessing me with Griffin who has brought incredible joy into my life and who has loved me unconditionally as your love is displayed, God.

You are awesome for never changing, for loving us regardless of our ridiculously sinful nature and undeserving lives. Thank you God, thank you that your love never fails.

Nothing can separate

Even if I ran away

Your love never fails

I know I still make mistakes

But you have new mercies for me everyday

Your love never fails

You stay the same through ages

Your love never changes

There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage

I don't have to be afraid

Because I know that you love me

Your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water's deep

But I'm not alone in these open seas

Cause Your love never fails

The chasm is far too wide

I never thought I'd reach the other side

But your love never fails

You stay the same through ages

Your love never changes

There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning

And when the oceans rage

I don't have to be afraid

Because I know that you love me

Your love never fails

You make all things work together for my good....

Your Love Never Fails

Beloved

Well now I'm back at school again, getting back into the swing of things. I don't feel very motivated or positive about this semester though. I know that my classes aren't going to be the most exciting ones that I've ever taken or the easiest but I pray that God will help me develop a more positive attitude about them. Things are so much easier when I choose to be positive about something and not worry about it.

That is one of my greatest downfalls... worrying. I know I'm not alone in that aspect, it's one of humanity's downfall. But there are some people I know and those that I have read about in God's word who don't demonstrate fear or worry. I suppose fear is ultimately what worry is. When I read of David's incredible faith, it's inspiring beyond words. Here is a man who has messed up... A LOT but still encompasses God's favor and manifests His incredible mercy. And after we read about all of those who were after his life and who wanted to destroy him, tens of thousands up on every side... David was not afraid. He trusted in the Lord who was there.

I am only like David in the sense that I have messed up a lot, that I long for God's mercy and love in my life, and that I am undeservedly beloved by Him.

I'm so tired of fearing for my life and fearing my next action or thought. It's easy to become disgusted with yourself when you dwell on those things, what you've done wrong or who you've been, but I'm tired of doing that. God doesn't care about who we have been or what we have done in the past if we truly bring it to His feet, lay it down, and leave it there. I'm doing that now. I belong to God, I truly am beloved by Him. I am forgiven and delivered by righteousness, thanks to my precious Savior.... my Beloved. He is my Beloved. Everything else can melt away, and it will.

Behold you have come over the hills, upon the mountains.

To me you will run, My Beloved, you've captured my heart

Won't you dance with me, Oh

Lover of my Soul

To the song of all songs?

With you I will go, You are my love You are my Fair One

The winter has passed and the springtime has come

Won't you dance with me, Oh

Lover of my Soul

To the song of all songs?

Romance me, Oh

Lover of my Soul

To the song of all songs

-Dance With Me

Amy-Latin for Beloved