Circle

Circle encircles the earth

Chance and choice break his heart

His innocent arm moves to save me and I am spared

His beautiful arm

Is bloody and cut off

His heart ripped out to show me he loved me

But I would not believe him

He did all that he could

I still would not believe him

I left his arms empty and tied

Outstretched for me until he died

Left his arms empty and tied

Outstretched for me until he died

No man shows greater love

Than when a man

Lays down his life

For his beloved

I left his arms empty and tied

Outstretched for me until he died

Left his arms empty and tied

Outstretched for me until he died

Here I’m alive

And I don’t have the right

He gave me the right

Costing him his life

New mercies in the morning

I believe

What if I believe you now

Could it ever change this heart

Forgive me, believe me

Please come back tonight

I believe

What if I believe you now

Could it ever change this heart

Forgive me, believe me

Please come back tonight

Come back to my life

I believe

What if I believe you now

Forgive me, believe me

Please come back tonight

Yeah, that is how it is. Do you ever have to step outside of yourself to see what you've become? Innocence was poured out for us. I am seeing right now in my life Christ moving all around me and it makes me want to cry in my joy. He is right in front of our faces every minute and in so many situations but we fail to even notice him.

Imagine God as being the most important person you have ever met, your best friend, the most famous guy ever. He's sitting right next to you, just hanging out with you because he wants to. When we go throughout our days without even talking to him, getting to know him, paying attention to him it's like ignoring your best friend, that incredibly important person. I am so guilty of this. I let my wasted time slip through my hands like sand. If Jesus is willing to do what is described in the above song, the least I can do is hang out with Him... just talk and then listen. I tend to do a lot of talking and not too much of the 'paying attention to his opinion' part. So I'm just going to be quiet right now and let God move in me.

My Prayer

In my life, be lifted high

In our love, be lifted high

In our world, be lifted high

God, you are the ultimate healer. You have the capability to mend our hearts. You hold us all in your hands.

Right now I lift up to you those who have been mistreated and abused. Lord you know all of these innocent children who never asked for such horrific things to happen to them. God you've given us free will so that we might choose to live our lives for you but there are those who have abused this privilege and have therefore abused your precious children. My heart breaks for them right now. I am begging you to intervene and to send us out and through us, save these broken people. Make me your hands and feet Jesus. I only ever want to be like you.

I pray for those who have been abandoned, for those who feel like they have no one and no hope. Jesus you are the only hope and I pray that you would shine your light in these dark places of the world and reveal yourself to these in desperate need of a Saviour.

Jesus, I pray for those who cannot let go of guilt... myself included. You know our hearts and you know that we are all humans who are bound to sin. Lord, for those of us who are truly sorry and repentant of our sins, we know that you have already forgiven us and forgotten our iniquities. I ask that you would help us to forgive ourselves and cast away the burden of guilt that weighs us down. You already bore the cross and with that you have already taken all of these faults. Thank you Jesus, thank you. I ask that you would continue to wipe away these images that remain in our minds, that the devil puts into our minds so that we would fall away from you and hate ourselves. You are so much bigger, better, and stronger than any of our pasts and any of those images.

I pray for those struggling with pornography. God this is such a deep issue from within and they cannot escape this alone. Only your mighty hand can pull them out from this pit. Help them to realize the damage that they are doing to their minds, to their loved ones, and to your heart. Help them to realize that your way alone is the way out and that we cannot conform to the pattern of this world any longer in order to follow you.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will."- Romans 12:2

I pray for those who are homeless. God you know each person's story. You know how we get to where we are in life and the decisions we have had to make in order to get here; the circumstances we had to face that we overcame or that overcame us. I pray that no matter what happened in these peoples' lives that have put them on the streets that you would send us out to them. Send us to show them your love, to bless them and show them that they are worth the time of day and that they are worth being prayed for. A person is a person no matter who they are or what they've done... you still died for them. Your demonstration of love did not, and has not, ever discriminated.

Give us compassionate hearts that long to reach out to your sons in daughters who are walking in the darkness.

I thank you for all that you are. I thank you for your compassion and love that you have graciously poured out. I love you God. Thank you for your amazing son Jesus.

Amen

My God

My God grants peace, an overwhelming peace that I couldn't have even imagined. He has stilled my heart to rest assured in him. My God freely gives his grace and love abundantly. There is an infinite list that my words cannot even do you justice but this is just what is on my heart, Oh Great God!

"Only Jesus can be Jesus." I will never reach perfection, never love people enough, never devote my life enough, never truly understand and see others the way he did. I will never be as selfless as He, never have as much grace and mercy.... But I will try and strive for all of my days. I will seek Christ with all of my heart, no matter the cost. I will follow after Jesus no matter how much I stumble. Yes, I will stumble but I will trust in my God to pick me up and guide me to wherever he may lead me next.

When we ask Jesus to be the Lord of our lives, he makes us into a new creation. He completely rocks our world! Flips it upside down and messes every stinkin thing up. Everything we thought was important before now seems so small. Everything we thought was cool proves pointless. He makes us want to be different, He sets us apart. When he comes and fills us up with his Holy Spirit, it does something to us to where we're just set on fire for Him and we can barely contain it. When we diligently seek him with our entire hearts, we will find Him. That's a promise and here it is, "... you will call upon me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:12-13

God this is my prayer for my friends right now. You know who they are, who is on my heart, and only you know their hearts. Precious Father, I ask that you would send your Holy Spirit and light their hearts on fire to burn for you and you alone. I ask that they would long to seek you and that they would truly find you and that they would be able to experience this absolutely incredible relationship that you and I have.

You are my Father, my God. You are amazing and beyond all description. Your love is astounding. You never leave my side, never have and never will. You are faithful, my God you are. I feel like I am bursting at the seems with joy just because I long to worship you with my life. God even though I my life isn't going how I have planned, I can still have this incredible joy because you have filled me with it. My plans are nothing compared to what you have in store, it's so much bigger... so much better than I could ever imagine. Only you hold my future in your hands. My God, I thank you and I praise you. My God, I know that I will mess up millions of times each day and for that I am sorry but I praise you for your forgiveness and mercy. My God, I love you and I thank you for loving me.

Psalm 16:7-13

On Thursday morning, I found out that I had to lead a devotional for the entire Agape staff. What the heck was I supposed to say? I was not in the mood to give a devotional nor did I feel like I had any place to say anything that morning but I asked God to be the speaker. I knew Psalms were a pretty reliable place to base a devotional applicable to everybody but... there are a lot of Psalms. I had no idea why at the time but I was lead to this:

Psalm 16:7-13

"I will praise praise the Lord, who counsels me;

even at night my heart instructs me.

I have set the Lord always before me.

Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;

my body also will rest secure,

because you will not abandon me to the grave,

nor will you let your Holy One see decay.

You have made known to me the path of life;

you will fill me with joy in your presence,

with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

After I read that out loud to the staff, I just felt so spirit-filled. It was this strange kind of outer-body experience. It was like listening to somebody else but I was able to hear what God had to say through me and I was just taking it all in. See, things have not been so peachy lately as to where "my heart is glad" or "my body will rest secure." But I was shown that God still reigns in all His sovereignty. He has already gone before me. He knows every circumstance in my life, inside and out. He "will not abandon me."

Worrying does nothing for our lives. I know I probably talk a lot about worry but it's obviously something I have struggled with and I'm tired of it. It encompasses everything that God would never intend for us to feel: stress, anxiety, emotional baggage... All of those things exclude the joy of the Lord and it forces us to turn our eyes upon things other than him. Worry is a god in itself. My God is so much better than that. Because my God is so faithful, so loving, so caring in "making known to me the path of life", I truly can rejoice. My body and my soul can take rest in Him. I'm so tired of getting rocked by these waves of life that come crashing over me time and time again.

This whole "total trust" concept is working so well. It's always hard for me to find peace like this until I give in, until I give it all up to Christ. Once that happens, He shows me that He is all that I need. He is all that I will ever, ever need. Everything else to come that is good is a complete blessing from Him; friendships, serving, and relationships.

Give up and give in, it's a beautiful surrender in the end.

I love you God. Even though I don't always like what I have to go through or understand it at the time, I know that you always work out everything for my good. Only you know what is best for me. Nothing is too big or great or impossible for you Jesus. You've already conquered the impossible. You did not see decay. So I'm trusting you Jesus with all that I have. If I don't, I'm a lost wretch. Thank you for guidance, grace, peace, and love in my life. I love you Jesus.

To be nothing

Why am I so concerned about "me"? God used some awesome people this week to truly speak to my heart. One person asked, "How many times a day, or even in an hour, do you think about what other people think about you?" I couldn't even count how many times I have thought that within a single day. Then she asked, "Ok, now how many times a day do you think about what God thinks of you?" Oh my goodness, I just wanted to hide my face an cry because I knew the answer to that. I'm so ridiculous. Here, I thought I was striving to be this selfless person and to serve others but when you're asked a question like that you realize how truly selfish you are. Why do I try to be something so awesome for other people, whether its just for a few close people in my life or for an audience, when Jesus came to this earth to make himself nothing for me? Gosh, Jesus could have been so like, "Look at me, I'm completely awesome!" But he was nothing like that. He had every right to be like that and was more deserving of that that anyone to ever exist but like I said, he didn't want to ever be like that.

That right there just brings me back down to reality. It truly humbles my spirit and truly makes me despise approval seeking. Galations 1:10 says, " Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." That hits you in the chest like a sledgehammer because no matter how much we think we don't care about what other people think about us, we still care a lot more about that than what we think God thinks about us. Nobody else is my judge, nobody else loves me as He does, and nobody gave their only son who bore all of my sin. Only God did that, and that is the only approval that I need to seek... ever. His opinion is the only thing that matters... ever.

Healer

I know this is probably a very similar blog to some in the past but it's a common prayer of my heart. I just can't thank God enough. I can't be grateful enough for giving me chances and for giving me purpose.

Lord, I love you. My praise and thanks will never be adequate but I'm going to do it anyway so thank you God. Thank you God for your constant blessings and new mercy. I praise you for loving and accepting me the way that I am. God, you cherish my life and say that I am important, that I matter.

Jesus, your amazing love is unfathomable to me. You say that no matter how dirty and marred I am, you'll take me and wash me. You'll make me white as snow. Thank you for the price you paid for me so that I can exist as such.

Just as your attitude was Jesus, I pray that you would give me your attitude of a servant. I long to be like you and to represent you in any way I can. You were the most humble of servants, living to provide for others. In your awesomeness, you put everyone and everything above yourself with a giving and gracious love that goes beyond description. Yeah, I want to be like that guy.

God you're healing my heart. Thank you for that. Even though there has been much damage to it, mostly because of myself, you fix it anyway. I want to be that new creation for you Lord, I want to be able to lift my head up and be proud to be called your daughter, your best friend. You've never left my side and even though I neglect you oh too often, you still stay right here with me. I praise you my Healer. Thank you.

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You

-Healer

Beautiful Redemption

We've been looking at 1John at Family BC for the last few weeks and it's been really... appropriate for my life. Ya see, I've kind of had a problem with wallowing in my guilt and shame..... oh pretty much my whole life. I've been asking the Lord to help me a lot lately to get through this and over it and praise God that he is ever faithful. He works in the funniest, most obvious ways sometimes. He's pretty much just been smacking me in the face with forgiveness and showing me that I don't have to feel this way anymore.

Jesus didn't die for me to carry a burden that would weigh me down, even though he knew I would sin. He died so that he could extract that sin from my life along with the lingering guilt and shame that goes along with it.

I've been applying that phrase to my life a lot lately, "Jesus didn't die for me so that I could...." It's been really motivating to go and be productive for him and to try hard to walk as he walked. Brian, from Campus Crusade, used that phrase a lot this week as well. His phrase of choice was, "Jesus didn't die so that you could sit around and play World of Warcraft all day." True, funny, but true. So, even if I'm lost and confused about where to go or what I need to be doing with my life, I can always count on the fact that if my heart is in the right place with God and if I am trying my hardest to walk as Jesus walked then I can rest assured in Him that I am living for something other than myself, for God alone and all that entails.

"We are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousness are as filthy rags."(Isaiah 64:6) but God still appreciates and honors our efforts to please him and live for him. Jesus still accepts us as filthy rags, not only accepts but loves. Loves so much he would die. Die for someone like me, composed of filthy rags.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all of these things will be given to you as well."(Matthew 6:33)(<---memory verse for the week!!!)

God this is my prayer, that I would seek your kingdom and every good and perfect thing you are comprised of. Every good and perfect thing comes from you alone. I long for your righteousness and even though I may never achieve in this lifetime, I ask that I would continue to seek it first and bless you above all. Amen.

I'm a doubting Thomas needing to believe

I'm a perfumed sinner just like Magdalene

I am Judas kissing on your cheek eager to deceive

I am all of these

I cry, Father, Father, forgive me

You say, Child, I already have

You are beautiful

Beautiful Redemption

You are Beautiful

Beautiful Redemption

I'm the guilty thief that's hanging by your side

and my shame is dying with your sacrifice

And all my fears come crashing down as I look in your eyes

I see paradise

-Beautiful Redemption

"But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did."-1John 2:5-6