Not My Own...

I can finally see,
That you're right there beside me,
I am my not own,
For I have been made new
Please don't let me go,
I desperately need you

-Owl City

Goodness, life hasn't been this big of a roller coaster in a long time. It's just crazy what God does to get our attention sometimes. Like, you never would have thought that God puts us in the strangest of circumstances just so we will notice him. He truly does give and take away, but he is still so good.

I love Jesus but I just cannot figure out for the life of me why he would want me to hang out with him. I think I've realized within the last week just how truly human Jesus was. There is always this picture in my mind of Jesus being totally God, even though I'm a firm believer in the trinity, I put the God part of Jesus first. Mmmmake sense? Recently I've just felt that his humanness has been made so evident to me. He was tempted and tried. When I think about all the things that I want to buy or possess or how well-off I want to be when I grow up, I can see that Jesus was offered those things freely and turned them away from me. When my relationships fall apart and I feel betrayed or hurt, I think back to when... pretty much all of Jesus' best friends in the entire world betrayed him at the worst possible time ever. How selfish of me to think that God doesn't know what I'm going through.

Recognizing the divine humanness of Christ also motivates me. Yes, he is God as well as the Spirit but he was human. If he was a human and faced all of these things that I face, and still didn't sin.... I am certainly capable of striving for the same. I know that because I am not divine, I will screw up (immensely I'm sure) but why would I not try?

It makes me appreciate the similarity of God's character to ours and how he truly did create us in his image. He is a faithful God and I owe my faithfulness to him. How can I think that my life belongs to me? I am truly not my own because he made me into a new creation for him.

I used to have a blog, which was basically my journal. Ya know, the XANGA thing? I know, I was a cool kid ; ) So I stopped that and tried to do the manual writing journal thingy and I just don't like that. I need to start new with a lot of things. It doesn't really matter if anybody reads this, as long as I can vent or pour myself out at the end of the day and express myself to the Lord is all that I really care about.

Even though I don't fully understand what is happening in my life right now, why it's happening, and what is going to happen, all I can really do is place these things in God's hands. To not lean on my own understanding (because we all know that would fail) is to trust in the Lord with all my heart. I pray that he would help me to do this right now. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.