I'm so ready to just go home (and sleep in my own room, in my own bed!) I think I can only take Greenville in doses. I'm just anxious to be around my family and friends, I suppose a little nervous as well. I praise God that I have an amazing family to come home to. It may be very broken, but it is very good. It is crazy to me to look back on everything that has happened to us and see God through it all. He was there, always.
Blessings have been made so evident to me lately, especially now that Thanksgiving is this week. I feel like it is going to be different this year though. I've failed so much in the past to recognize how unbelievably blessed I am in every aspect of my life. I ought to constantly be giving God praise for everything, simple things: air, the sun, the sky, the ability to use all of my senses... I could go on forever. I guess things like that just aren't something that I always realize all of the time as being a blessing. It's funny because I guess I just always thought those are things I deserved. Not really funny, more like pathetic. I don't deserve any of them, but I praise His all-surpassing righteousness and grace and mercy in my life. Thank you God for these simple things that I take for granted. Help me to recognize you in everything.
Tonight was a good night. I went to this "Women's Night of Worship" hosted by res. life. I didn't really know what I was expecting to get out of it, I guess just go and give God glory and that would be it. That's not how it really went down. I had a conversation, a very honest conversation with a dear friend. We had to break up into small groups and discuss the lies we tend to believe about ourselves but also discuss what God's thoughts are on those lies. I guess I really hadn't thought a lot about that and I believe that God made Alisha my partner for a reason. I realized tonight that I've been really afraid of failing God, that I won't be successful in Him. It kind of seems silly now that I'm looking at it from the outside because... of course I will fail God. I don't ever want to purposefully do that, but it's going to happen.... but Jesus knows that. He knows it before it will ever even happen. Like I've said before, when Jesus lived as a human, everybody he knew failed Him and that hasn't changed. His ultimate example of love those covers over all. That's what love does, it covers over a multitude of sin (1 Peter 4:8). I'm so glad Alisha pointed this out to me again; I don't have to be afraid of not being successful enough for Him because as long as I am seeking God entirely, with my whole heart, I will be where he needs me to be. I can say that easily enough, but to fully accept it is going to take some time. And the problem is, there is a lot more of myself that I need to give to Him. I honestly want to seek after the heart of God. I need Him. I need His strength and assurance that He won't ever leave my side in my life. Sometimes I feel all alone, even when I'm around tons of people. It's weird, I don't like that but I'm just stubborn because I don't have to feel that way. When I say that I can look back on the situations that I've been through and see that God was there the whole time, why do I continue to doubt that He has left me now? He hasn't! Praise God for his unfailing faithfulness. Thank you Jesus for understanding me, how I feel, for becoming lowly as I am to express your unfathomable love for us.
When I pray, I tend to get overwhelmed. I start thinking of all of these situations that need prayer. Today, I realized that it's impossible to pray for everything that I'm aware of that needs prayer (at least, in one prayer session... and probably ever). I also get overwhelmed when I am thanking God but I also realized that I don't have to do it all at once. I just need to start small and be continual and intentional about my thankfulness.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7Bz_EwHs_Q
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