Within me

I've listened to the Dave Barnes' album Me and You and the World probably twice tonight. It's like he's speaking to my soul... yeah, I'm such a girl. It's probably not a good thing though, it's making me sad. I like the music, don't like the effects :(

Christmas is upon us and I cannot wait until it's here! It's supposed to "snow" on Thursday in Greenville and I'm kind of excited :D not about the coldness but just the white stuff!

When I grow up, I'm going to live somewhere warm. I will of course be around the MW to see at least a little snow, but I need warmth. I think I've dealt with enough cold in my lifetime.

Also, when I grow up, I'm going to have a little farm. I'll have a donkey, some horses, a miniature horse, and an alpaca... AND I found a new addition to my farm today!!! I'm going to get a miniature potbelly pig! I will get it when it's just a baby because they're super adorable and I will still love it when it's a nice, grown piggy :)

Well, that was random and weird...

I've been slacking a lot lately. I don't know where my motivation has escaped to. Not necessarily dealing with school but just things in life like trying to be a be the best person I can be, keeping up with my spiritual life and the disciplines that go along with it, and just loving God as best as I can. I honestly feel attacked and I hate it. This feeling is no fun but I know that God will see me through if I seek him. That is all I can do at this point, seek Him with all I have. I wish I would give all that I have, it's what He deserves. I think that it's possible to give my whole self to God, it's up to my choices though. I've been realizing more and more how big of a fan I am of choices. I'm a firm believer in the fact that almost always, you can choose your mood. But then again, I feel stuck in this place where I'm trying to find that positivity, it's so hard.

Matt Hughes came to my school a couple of weeks ago. He told us about how he was told that God doesn't really talk to people. He was really offended about that and said, "Yes He does! He talks to me everyday when I open up my Bible!" It was a really inspiring and really unexpected point that I didn't really intend to hear from Matt Hughes. I think that a lot of the times I'm trying to find God speaking to me in the most obvious ways, through a sermon, in prayer meeting, or at chapel. Do I honestly expect God to talk to me when I open His word or intend to see him in a circumstance or listen to Him through another person? Those are places I ought to be searching for Him because that's how God works... in the most unexpected ways. What do I know about Jesus and His sacrifice apart from the Bible? I wouldn't have ever known anything a bout God if my parent's didn't have His word, if I didn't have His word. I know that it's true. Every time I do open up my Bible, I get something out of it. This feeling of apathy completely sucks, I hate it.

Lord God, I need you to overcome this battle within me because I cannot fight it on my own.

The more I seek You,

the more I find You.

The more I find You, the more I love You.

I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand.

Lay back against you and breathe, feel your heart beat.

This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.

I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming